This has not been a kind year. Well, I keep thinking that, but really, overall, it wasn't bad. There was just one really really big downer that kind of put a pall over the whole year.
When I look back over 2012, it will always be the year of George. For the first 8+ months, I spent as much time as I possibly could home with her. It wasn't an overly cold winter but we spent lots of hours huddled on the couch anyway. Summer was pretty hot, though not nearly as hot as 2011. George still cuddled with me fairly often. As she lost weight, I think she preferred the soft couch against her frail bones. Or maybe she knew. I did not travel or have any adventures this summer because I refused to be away from her more than absolutely necessary. And I am SO glad that we had that time together. I tried very hard to appreciate every moment because I knew there wouldn't be a whole lot left. And I was right. The rest of 2012 has been about adjusting to life alone. I found George one week after I graduated from college. I have never been an adult without her, so this fall has been about learning who I am as a non-pet mom. I don't particularly like it! My heart is still healing but eventually a dog will join me in life. I'm not looking for one yet though.
So, as 2012 comes to a close, I can't help but cry and miss my George. But I also look forward to what 2013 might bring. Maybe fewer tears, a new furry one to love, definitely some travel and adventures. As my very wise dad said, "life isn't better or worse, just different". My opinion: some days it sucks. Some days it's not bad. So, yeah, basically, just different.
I also keep thinking back to the year 2002. Ten years ago. In September, I'd had my thyroid out, including the cancer hiding in it. On December 30 (?) we buried my mom's cousin's husband (Cecil) after a short bout with lung cancer. Betty Sue (the cousin) hugged me and said, "I'm so ready for this year to be over. Aren't you?" Or something along those lines.
Yes, yes, yes, I am ready for 2012 to be over. Adios, Farewell, thanks for the memories.
Monday, December 31, 2012
Friday, December 14, 2012
Who shoots a 5 year old?
Today, a man entered an elementary school in Connecticut and killed kids. And adults. And himself. Apparently, he'd already killed two people before he even got there. From what I've read, the gun he used can be bought at WalMart.
As a teacher, school shootings are something I think about. I spend all day, five days a week, with teenagers. They come from all walks of life, have home lives of all sorts, and believe and think all kinds of things. I often wonder what's going through their head. Sometimes, I have to wonder if he or she could be the next gunman. Kids are mean. It's not bullying, they just express their opinion, without thinking, not necessarily targeting any one person. Who knows when it'll be one time too many. Honestly, I think things like: "what will be my reaction?" "how will I be able to protect these kids?" and I pray a lot. Yes, it's scary to think, it could be AHS, any day. But I can't live in fear. No one would ever learn anything if we spend all our time under desks and in corners. It's also scary to fly in an airplane, drive on a freeway or back country road. I can't and won't stop doing those things either.
Earlier this week, our school went on lockdown. The principal came over the PA and told teachers to lock their doors, but to keep teaching. Those two words, "keep teaching", told me I wasn't in danger, but something was up. My kids were taking a test. I stayed calm; they finished their test. We were still on lockdown about 25 minutes later, and they questioned if we'd have to stay in class. I told them that it was probably just about the need to know where everyone was because a student wasn't where they should be or something. A few minutes later, before class was over, the principal came back on and said lockdown was over, they'd been looking for a non-student, he was found off-campus. It was really quite uneventful. I now know that a student had brought her older (23?) boyfriend to school and he apparently showed off his cool taser gun. There was no threat, but it was very much not welcome! To be safe, we locked our doors.
During the lockdown, I prayed. I didn't feel scared. I can not imagine what I would feel if there was an obvious threat, such as the sound of gunshots down the hall. I do know that I would continue to pray. I know without a doubt that God has put me in the classroom to do everything I can to give my students a successful life. I hope and pray that I will never need to do more than teach math, offer an ear, and be a positive influence. Because that part I like. The scary fear part, I could do without, but sadly it has become a part of life, not just in schools.
I could go into my opinion on guns and gun control, but I won't. You don't need to read that. But I will continue to pray. Always.
Gracious God, on this sad day, I pray for peace and understanding for the parents and families, the school personnel, the other students. So many will never ever be the same. I pray, Lord, for all the angry, sad, confused, sick individuals in this world - please help them to find other ways of expressing themselves. And, Lord, I pray for our country and government that educated, non-partisan conversations can happen so that no one ever has to return Christmas presents to the store because their babies aren't ever coming home from school. Thank you Lord, for always being with me and my family and for being the most important presence in my classroom. Amen.
As a teacher, school shootings are something I think about. I spend all day, five days a week, with teenagers. They come from all walks of life, have home lives of all sorts, and believe and think all kinds of things. I often wonder what's going through their head. Sometimes, I have to wonder if he or she could be the next gunman. Kids are mean. It's not bullying, they just express their opinion, without thinking, not necessarily targeting any one person. Who knows when it'll be one time too many. Honestly, I think things like: "what will be my reaction?" "how will I be able to protect these kids?" and I pray a lot. Yes, it's scary to think, it could be AHS, any day. But I can't live in fear. No one would ever learn anything if we spend all our time under desks and in corners. It's also scary to fly in an airplane, drive on a freeway or back country road. I can't and won't stop doing those things either.
Earlier this week, our school went on lockdown. The principal came over the PA and told teachers to lock their doors, but to keep teaching. Those two words, "keep teaching", told me I wasn't in danger, but something was up. My kids were taking a test. I stayed calm; they finished their test. We were still on lockdown about 25 minutes later, and they questioned if we'd have to stay in class. I told them that it was probably just about the need to know where everyone was because a student wasn't where they should be or something. A few minutes later, before class was over, the principal came back on and said lockdown was over, they'd been looking for a non-student, he was found off-campus. It was really quite uneventful. I now know that a student had brought her older (23?) boyfriend to school and he apparently showed off his cool taser gun. There was no threat, but it was very much not welcome! To be safe, we locked our doors.
During the lockdown, I prayed. I didn't feel scared. I can not imagine what I would feel if there was an obvious threat, such as the sound of gunshots down the hall. I do know that I would continue to pray. I know without a doubt that God has put me in the classroom to do everything I can to give my students a successful life. I hope and pray that I will never need to do more than teach math, offer an ear, and be a positive influence. Because that part I like. The scary fear part, I could do without, but sadly it has become a part of life, not just in schools.
I could go into my opinion on guns and gun control, but I won't. You don't need to read that. But I will continue to pray. Always.
Gracious God, on this sad day, I pray for peace and understanding for the parents and families, the school personnel, the other students. So many will never ever be the same. I pray, Lord, for all the angry, sad, confused, sick individuals in this world - please help them to find other ways of expressing themselves. And, Lord, I pray for our country and government that educated, non-partisan conversations can happen so that no one ever has to return Christmas presents to the store because their babies aren't ever coming home from school. Thank you Lord, for always being with me and my family and for being the most important presence in my classroom. Amen.
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